You’re excited to “shower” the bride with love, good wishes and gifts as she prepares for married life, but you’re daunted by the planning? Follow my favorite tips for a great planning experience:

1. To Theme or Not to Theme

One of the most important decisions of your planning process will be whether to utilize a theme or not. Consider the bride and her tastes, as well as any quirky or fun aspects within the bride and groom’s history together that could make the event unique. This first step in planning then guides the location you choose, the décor, food served and so much more to create a cohesive setting. Top trend shower themes: Sex in the City, an activity shower {think cooking lessons or floral arranging} and Vineyard Wine Tasting.

2. An Event All its Own

Because the bride may have multiple showers and pre-wedding events, I always suggest creating an event plan that is all its own and does not duplicate any of the color schemes or aspects of the wedding or reception. It will be a fresh and unique memory for the guest of honor.

3. Make Room For the Groom

You’ve heard it said a lot, “It’s his day too!” and well, it is. So consider a trendy couples shower in the form of a unisex cocktail or dinner party, or at least invite and welcome the man of the hour to appear at the event to express his thankfulness and gratitude to the guests.

4. Consider the Gifts

The very nature of a shower is to help set the couple up for their new life together. When creating your event plan, don’t forget to consider the gifts. While bath towels and hand mixers are necessary components of newlywed life, if the bride and groom are already prepared in these areas, consider suggesting a gift giving theme that will better meet their needs. Top trends right now in shower gift giving: a money tree, gift card showers, and honeymoon funding websites.

5. Gaming

Some brides dread them, and others embrace them with relish, so it’s a role of the dice whether to incorporate shower games at the event or not. Consider if they fit the theme you have chosen, if they fit the “style” of your bride, and if they lend to the atmosphere of the event you have planned. If so, have fun with them! If not, it is quite acceptable to forgo this tradition!

Dr. Who is one of the most popular and longest-running science fiction television shows in the entire world, with a fan base more dedicated and loving than most marriages. It seems so very obvious then that so many couples would want to use elements from the show within their nuptials. So, how can you include your love for the doctor in the most important social gathering of your relationship without alienating (haha, alien) those you love who may not have yet discovered the most perfect combination of old, new, borrowed and blue? The answer is subtlety, as it is with anything. Here are my thoughts and recommendations for each part of your special day:

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Guest Post By: Olivia Lee, Precise Events Inc.

When a potential client reaches out to me for help planning their wedding, their top concerns are always budget management and negotiating with vendors. While many find this topic difficult, it really is not, if you take the time to do the following steps:

Step 1) Review your budget

Some brides are on a tight budget and others have unlimited resources. No matter the category in which you fall, you should always set a budget. When calculating your budget, do not put in a maximum amount that you can spend. Find a comfortable middle ground and allow yourself some wiggle room. I also suggest making a habit of entering in your data in a budget tool or spreadsheet. WeddingWire has the best budget tool in cyberspace. It is customizable, printable and easy to access via their app.

Step 2) Know and understand your event worth

Your wedding will be one of the most momentous days or your life. Couples get sidetracked by only considering their emotional attachment to the wedding instead of getting an understanding of the event’s worth to vendors.  Every wedding is different, but for your vendors, it’s their job. That means they know which dates and venues are ‘worth more’ to the average couple. The more valuable, the pricier; the lower the value to your vendor, the easier it will be to negotiate rates, extras and much more.

Being aware of when peak and off-peak wedding seasons are in your area can be helpful. Weddings in more sought-after seasons or on popular dates (like Saturdays or gimmicky dates like 12/13/14) are worth more to vendors because it’s easier for them to fill those slots. They will be less likely to negotiate your rate. Choosing a date in the off season gives you a lower starting rate and availability to add extras to your contract.

Step 3) Select the one or two elements of your wedding that are most important to you

Most couples start wedding planning like a kid in a candy story. Every magazine has a flower arrangement that speaks to you, and every bridal show you attend has a design element that is just right. Being so drawn to design often causes couples to go over budget, overlook details or just get lost in planning. Sit down with your fiancé and decide the one or two elements that are most important to you – prior to choosing any wedding vendors. This step is very important to future decision making. If food and music is the most important, adjust your budget to enhance these features. Take away from things that matter less, like escort cards or a 3rd meal choice.

I also suggest choosing a wedding inspiration that will drive the style of your wedding. Couples should use any one item that truly represents your wedding style: Your grandmother’s lace handkerchief, a cool chevron pillow you got at a garage sale, an interesting font that you love, or the first flower your fiancé ever gave you.

If you do make the commitment to stay true to your important elements, and your wedding inspiration, you can turn to those objects into anchors in times of difficult decision making.

Step 4) Seek Vendors that are within budget and fit your needs.

It sounds so simple but realistically it is one of the most difficult for couples. If your max budget for a band is $5,000, you should stay clear of bands whose pricing starts at that number. A comfortable fit would be a vendor that is has a middle package for around $4,000. This will give you room to add on something like including ceremony music, if you want. Don’t forget, if that $4,000 package is just right for you, you now have room in your budget to move that extra $1,000 to another category.

Step 5) ABN- Always be negotiating

There have been countless studies about women and negotiation. There is one thing all the studies have in common – woman tend to negotiate less than men. Studies also show that men view more things as negotiable where as women think that many things cannot be changed. For this final step, remember, EVERYTHING is negotiable when it comes to weddings. And if a vendor truly is not willing to work on a fair trade they may not be the vendor for you.

Taking time to consider each vendor’s offer is necessary to prepare yourself for negotiation. It will require that you take time away from the vendor to think about what you’ve seen and experienced in your initial meeting rather than making a decision on the spot.  After looking at a vendor package ask yourself: What do I really want and need from this vendor? Are there services that I can give up to get what I want? What services will equal more or less work for the vendor?

If negotiation really gives you much anxiety, remember, that is totally natural. Here’s my trick: Women who have issues negotiating for their own benefit almost always do 10 times better negotiating on behalf of others. Before your discussion with your vendor, take a breath. Imagine the people who will benefit from your wedding if it is the way you want it to be. Take their interest to the negotiation table with you and use them as back up when you need strength.

Approach your vendor as if you are on the same team rather than an “us against them” tactic. I recommend coming right out and asking for the concessions that you would like changed or added to the contract. What’s the worst they could say? If you get push back, then it’s time to discuss the services and features that you don’t need. Offer one of those up in exchange for the service you really want. Don’t be afraid to ask vendors to “throw in” a service. In the end, remember to get everything in writing. Take the time to review the contract before signing it to make sure that all your concessions are represented.

I hope that this guide give you some power towards taking control of your wedding.

Olivia Lee | Owner and Lead Planner, Precise Events, Inc.

Olivia Lee is the owner and lead planner of Precise Events Inc. in Philadelphia. She has been coordinating both large and intimate celebrations for over ten years.

With a brand new Great Gatsby hitting theaters and breaking hearts all across the country, it’s no wonder so many couples are drawn to the glamour and romance of this Jazz Age original for their weddings. Though the message of the story is less than wedding-friendly, the style and aesthetic of the setting and the passionate hope and love exhibited by the titular character are no less than perfect for any nuptials. So, what wedding accessories can you add for a perfect Gatsby-themed event? Consider:

The Right Cocktails

Nothing says “Gatsby” like a glass of champagne in each hand as you’re out on the dance floor. Style your libations after the drinks most often found at Gatsby’s legendary parties by asking wait staff to tour tables with glasses rather than bottles. For added flair, litter trays and tables with glass gems. Avoid colors like red and yellow; stick to pale or emerald greens, a la the light at the end of Daisy’s dock. Another Gatsby favorite is the oh-so-refreshing mint julep. Better for a brunch or afternoon affair, the mint julep is the height of leisure and is sure to impress your thirsty guests. Add a generous sprig of fresh mint and contrast with a fat red straw.

The Right Jewelry

Though you might not have the budget to drip in Gatsby-esque diamonds, you can still utilize the extravagant style of the era as you walk down the aisle. Consider thick jeweled bracelets and collar necklaces, and substitute a traditional veil with a pillbox birdcage veil or a jeweled flapper headband. Eschew colors entirely and stick with the clear shine of diamond-like gems.

The Right Details

The small additions you make to your décor are the ones that really count toward a perfectly-executed Gatsby theme. With a text steeped in images of breezy white curtains and three-piece suits, leisure and extravagance are the names of the game. Rent classic day couches, invest in detailed beaded accessories, and stick long, dripping feathers in centerpieces. If you want to find details that specifically address moments and themes from the text itself, consider finding space for gold wire-rimmed glasses (a la the eyes of Dr. T.J. Eckleberg), donning colorful silk shirts, and finding room for a small green light at the end of the aisle: something for your new spouse to reach to as you travel ever-closer to the beginning of your happy lives together.

Though there are many apps aimed at couples, who are frantically searching for some organizational tool to make their lives easier, it’s hard to weed out the showy, novelty ones from the divinely useful. The right apps can really guide you along during the planning and design process on your march toward the altar, but how will you know what to look for before you know it exists? Instead of searching “wedding” in the App Store, try these (completely free!) wedding planning apps, even if that’s not what they were originally intended for:

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When your wedding planning gets into full swing, you will learn quickly how hard it is to get anyone to answer when you decide to call them. Games of phone tag begin innocently enough (a few apologetic voicemails with a hasty return number) but can swiftly turn irritating when you find that you’ve gone a month or more without directly catching the person you need to reach. A woman can only handle so many “Sorry I missed you – call me back on the following…” messages before she throws a brick through a bakery window. Don’t do that. Instead, try one or both of the following techniques:

Leave Specific Messages

When you don’t reach your hopeful audience during the course of hectic wedding planning phone calls, leave more than just your name and number. If you’re a potential customer, give them a reason to be adamant about reaching you – specifics about the service you need and the information you need from them. If anything, you’ll receive a counter message that is more than just THEIR name and number; it may even be information you can use! That way, you may not need to waste any more time chasing them down. If you are already using the services of the audience you’re trying to reach, a specific message helps to guarantee that a return message will contain any of the information you need, such as cake topper pricing or shipping details. Even if you’re both too busy to catch each other, the game of phone tag gets a little more productive with the application of a little specificity.

Use More than One Medium

While phones are your best bet for reaching a real live human when you’re trying to check off your to-do list, there is something to be said for a solid email. Either of these mediums alone often isn’t enough, however. On their own, forgetting to respond to an email or a voicemail is pretty easy, but one of each is harder to miss. One will help to remind your audience about the other. If they receive a voicemail from you, they may or may not pencil in a reminder to call you back. An addition email files you back to top priority – at least some of the time. The trick here is to not come off as obsessive or nuts – a harder task than it sounds, as many of your vendors will likely be familiar with the trope of the “clingy bride.” Leave a specific voicemail and follow up with an email that sounds something like “Just following up concerning my call earlier today. I look forward to hearing from you about those custom toasting glasses…” Short, simple, and friendly. Good luck, and may all of your voicemails be brief and helpful!

Photographers are a vital part of the whole wedding process – they capture the magic of the couple’s big day. Whether you’re the happy couple or a guest at the wedding, it’s important to know how to treat the vendors (in this case, the photographers) to get the best out of them, and we’ve got some great tips for you.

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Do you have a friend, family member, or acquaintance who has offered their services for your upcoming nuptials? Fantastic! Weddings tend to be collaborative efforts that take a team of loved ones to plan successfully, and if you have a neighbor, who owns a bakery or a friend just out of film school, it can sometimes be tempting to use their services during your big day. There are a few questions you should be asking yourself before proceeding, however, as friendly service contracts can get messy if you haven’t thought them through. Ask yourself this before laying any money down or accepting any donated goods:

1. Did you ask for this service? For free?

Again, if you know someone who specializes in a professional wedding service (a cousin DJ, an artist former roommate), using their services for your wedding is completely acceptable, but are you asking them to do this work for free? Sometimes we forget that our friends and family members may have businesses to run and bills to pay and asking for a free service is not always the best choice. If you really want this person’s contribution to be a part of your day, begin the conversation by asking what compensation they typically expect and be willing to pay. If they want to offer the service to you gratis, that’s their prerogative, but it should never be your expectation. Even if they want to gift you their services, think of taking them out to dinner or purchasing a gift card as an extended thank you!

2. Would they be missing out?

If this friend or family member would typically be invited to the wedding (or could reasonably assume that they might be invited), think twice about asking for their contribution. Even if they offer, you don’t want your acquaintance to be spending more time working on your wedding day than enjoying it. Consider the implications of the task before asking for or accepting the help. This obviously isn’t a problem if you are being offered services such as baked goods or design help, but using your uncle’s band or your good friend’s catering service could cause those you love to miss out on the big moments of your wedding day. If they do offer, counter with something like: “Thank you so much for your generosity, but I wouldn’t want you to spend more time in the kitchen than on the dance floor! Maybe we could get together and prepare the rehearsal dinner feast at my house!”

One final word: If you do accept a friend or family member’s professional services, and you agree to monetary compensation, think of drafting an informal contract, just to be sure everyone is on the same page!

Ms. Magazine front cover, circa 1972, touting a "Wonder Woman for President." Photo: Gloria Steinam.com

Ever since Gloria Steinmen co-founded Ms. magazine in 1972, the prefix, or title before a women’s name has never been the same.

In fact, there is not a day as a national etiquette expert and owner of a stationery store owner, that I do not get asked the lead question, “Do I use Ms. or Miss? Please explain!”

To sum it up I will quote directly from my book, The Write Stuff: A Modern Guide to Personal Stationery and Weddings.

“In the last thirty years, Ms. has entered into our lexicon. Now more and more brides prefer to use Miss on their wedding invitation envelope,” said well-respected calligrapher, Christopher Watkins.

Many women choose to use Ms. in their everyday life; however, on a social envelope Miss is the correct term.

Miss means she is not married– no matter if she is in her teens, thirties or eighties.

When your guests are unmarried, then the female guest is always on the envelope. A guide to help you to remember who is listed first, ask yourself,”Who goes through the door first?” A women!

Still wondering? Then, use Miss. It is gracious, knowing of what to do beautifully.

So, you’ve decided to have a destination wedding.

Congrats! What’s next? Couples often consider planning their destination wedding on their own, using the internet.  Once they start the process, they quickly come to the realization that there are too many landmines to go it alone! The first step is to find a professional that you trust.  Here are some questions to ask a destination wedding professional before handing over the details of your big day:

1. How many weddings have you/your company planned in the past? How long have you been in business?

Experience is everything.

2. Do you work alone or do you have a team?

Back up is essential. What if your wedding specialist is sick or has a family emergency? You want to make sure that your specialist has someone who has access to all your details and can sub in.

3. How do I know that I am getting the best price?

One word: Volume. In order to get the most competitive price for you and your guests, choose a planner that is affiliated with an organization that plans over 500 destination weddings a month. This way, you will take advantage of the relationships they have forged. The outcome: more perks to make you and your guests feel pampered.  Also, ask your planner if they price match.

4. Will you help me stick to my budget?

Anyone can plan a royal wedding. Pros can plan a wedding on a budget. If you call a destination wedding specialist and tell them you are considering a wedding in Mexico, and they try to talk you into Hawaii, you need to think twice.

5. Can I see photos and read testimonials from actual weddings?

Three references don’t cut it. Make sure the person you hire can point you to at least 15 testimonials about their company. If they cannot provide this, it’s time to move on.

6. How do you communicate with your couples?

Organization is vital. There are countless details to keep track of when it comes to destination wedding. Make sure your specialist has a system and will keep you apprised of every step. Ask specific questions about their processes and their methods of communication.

What is most important to you when choosing a destination wedding specialist? Tell us what’s top on your list!