With Father’s Day approaching, I thought it might be an appropriate time to offer some suggestions to brides that are thinking about a special dance with their dad. A while back, I provided a list of songs that work well for a groom and his mom, which you can find here. Allow me to present some things to consider when thinking about this spotlight dance on your wedding day.

First, I realize that many brides won’t have the privilege or the pleasure of sharing a dance with their father. I’d be happy to offer suggestions based on your individual situation. There are ways to pay tribute to your dad and/or express your appreciation to other significant people in your life. For this article, I’d like to assume that your father will be there on your wedding day, and you are looking forward to this dance.

When beginning your search for songs to dance with your Father, you should first decide whether this dance is ‘from you to him’ or ‘from him to you’. Once you decide this, your song selection will naturally narrow itself to songs with lyrics appropriate for either situation. Also, certain songs will feel more fitting based on whether they are sung by a male or female artist. Another aspect of the perception of the dance which you might want to consider in the early stages is your dad’s opinion. You might want to see if your father has a preference of songs or ideas about the dance. I am sure there are some fathers who have been anticipating this day much longer than the bride has… believe it!

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We all know that the music makes the party—but what’s making the music this year? With the introduction of newer than new technology, there is a plethora of ways to make a medley out of any and all kinds of music sources. In 2010, look for less of the boring background music and more of this:

Customized Tunes: Budget-friendly and dead-on with your favorite music, just bring your own ipod and have a sound technician there to set it all up and monitor the volume. What better way to get exactly what you want?

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photo: studiotonline.com

To some, the choice of wedding songs is easy.  Many feel it isn’t important.  There are couples who believe the song they choose for their first dance together as husband and wife is one of the most important musical decisions for the day.  There are many aspects of this dance that a couple can consider, but one of the most common discussions I hear is about the popularity of the prospective songs.

My advice is to choose a song not based on it’s popularity.  Rather, you should select a song based on it’s significance.   If the decision is important, so should the song be important to you both.  Your first dance together as husband and wife doesn’t need to be some deeply romantic moment. I have had plenty of couples choose light hearted songs because it was them.

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When asked to write a post pertaining to our lucky grooms, I pondered for a long time about what to write.  When it comes to the entertainment or music, I am fortunate to be in contact with the groom nearly as much as the bride.  It seems as though grooms know their place is not picking out colors, dresses, flowers, etc. They understand that if there is one area of the wedding planning for which they want and can be involved, it’s picking the music.  (Please take no offense from my generalization… some couples do ALL the planning together… which is awesome!)  If I had a dime for every time I heard a bride say, “The music is the ONE thing he wants to be a part of,” I would be rich!

Grooms, under what category might you fall?

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So you’ve decided to have your wedding on the big holiday weekend…  you might feel uneasy about whether to tie in the “theme” for your celebration or how far should you go with incorporating the idea of America’s independence.  I am sure that some of our other aces will explore the idea of using colors, flowers, attire, etc.  I’d like to talk about how the music can be an effective way to incorporate the theme.

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fMRI image detailing the connections between the music, memory and emotion centers in the brain: Petr Janata / UC Davis

Ever heard a song from the past and found yourself emotionally transported back to that time?  It’s a part of the extraordinary power of music.  And it’s a critical consideration when you pick the key music and songs for your wedding.

The connection between music and memory is is both well known and documented.  It’s also of particular interest to me, more on that in a future post.  So when I read a glowing review of “The Music Instinct: Science and Song” (Wednesday, 9-11 p.m. ET on PBS)  I plugged it straight into my DVR.  According to the Wall Street Journal, “there isn’t a boring minute here,” and it could clearly impact the way you pick your most important wedding songs.

So you’ve given your DJ a list of songs, inclusive of your choice Michael Jackson tunes… now what?  Have you thought about whether it would be appropriate to play Michael Jackson at your wedding, only days after his sudden death?  I have.  I actually thought about it long and hard.   Michael Jackson’s music, any DJ will tell you,  has been part of the “must haves” in any serious library.  Motown, R&B, Pop, Rock… his music spans many genres and has been the soundtrack for many periods of peoples’ lives.

What should you do now?  Would it be morbid to play his music, disrespectful?  Not in the least bit.  Remember, he was an artist and would want it no other way.  He wrote and performed his music for people to enjoy.  By playing the songs, you would be honoring his career, not disrespecting it.

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Not long ago, I wrote a post that depicted the normal flow and timeline for a NJ style wedding reception.  I promised discussion about some other styles, the first being the cocktail reception.  Although I am not 100% certain, I believe the cocktail reception is a format more common to the south and southeastern parts of the US.  Each year, couples are trying to tie in elements of a cocktail reception, which is fantastic. With the change in traditions, though, it’s important to expect different results and in order to achieve certain results, it is important to include certain elements.

What is a cocktail reception?

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For the bride who will be sharing in a spotlight dance with her father, choosing the right song and appropriate time can cause a lot of stress.  Let’s tackle the latter decision even though each consideration is relative to the other.  As mentioned in a previous post, the NJ style wedding gives the slot immediately following a couple’s first dance, to the bride and her father.

The truth is, dancing with Dad then will likely hold the attention of your guests more than at any other time.  If this dance is special for your both, knowing that your guests are engaged and seeing them watch you will invoke a feeling of importance to the moment.  There are other times you can dance with Dad and still have the attention of your guests, but none quite as powerful as immediately following your first dance.

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Over the years, I have made a collection of songs that were used or recommended for a groom’s dance with his mother. I am sure there are more. I know some of these might seem a little unusual or even comedic. Surely, there will be some ideas here that you didn’t think of, and some that you have heard many times used as a mother/son song. I hope, if nothing else, it will provide a start to you search for a song to dance to.

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