thomas preti caterers

The vast majority of my weddings are served sit-down dinners.  Sit-downs are classics, and there is a good reason for that.  So if you really want a buffet dinner, here are some things to consider:

On costs:

• Do not assume that a buffet is less expensive.  Yes, the service costs can go down, but on the other hand giving up “portion control” may result in significantly higher food costs.  This is especially true if your menu includes expensive ingredients.
• Equipment costs can also be a factor; in addition to needing buffet tables with linens and serving equipment, you will also need more china, silver and glasses.

On the guest experience:

• A dish that is plated by a professional chef will invariably look more appealing than anything plated by your guests.
• As touched on in a past post, your wedding reception will last 300 minutes.  Do you want your guests to spend a good portion of that time waiting in lines or at their tables chatting.  Note that hungry guests do not really engage in witty banter while waiting for food – reality is closer to checking in at the airport on a holiday weekend.   BTW, love your grandparents? Will they feel the love while waiting in line?
• On a buffet it can be difficult to balance temperature and doneness of foods; in a chafing dish, perfectly done is only minutes away from being cafeteria grub.
• Buffets take up a lot of space.  If you have it, great, but be careful.

On seating your guests:

Buffets are often linked with “partial seating” (tables and chairs for a fraction of your guests) and “open seating” (no assigned tables.)  Both are bad ideas:

• There will be times for toasts and other kind words, all about you.  Unless your speakers are great speakers, it is VERY difficult to get everyone’s attention while half of your guests don’t have seats (and have probably had a few drinks.)
• I’ve blogged about this before, open seating is plain awful; yes, some guests will be happy, but once the tables start filling up guests will be taking whatever seats they can find, and later, when only single seats are left, couples will be split.  Take the time to figure out who should sit with who (if you are ambitious, assign both tables and seats.)  Last but not least, open seating is just tacky.

So, if you decide that a buffet is still right for you, here are some ways to make it better.

• Have the first course served.  This will enable your guests to visit the buffets in a somewhat staggered manner (it can also help if servers invite tables to visit the buffet in an organized way, a couple tables at a time.)
• Work with your caterer to select foods that can retain their qualities (taste, temperature, texture) on a buffet.  For example, a salmon steak, which is rich and dense, will fare better then a delicate tilapia fillet.
• Find out how foods will be presented.    There is an enormous variety of options, from cutting boards to multi-tiered plate stands.  Nothing is less appealing than a row of steel chafing dishes.
• 

  great performances

  Choose foods that are easy for your guests to serve; no utensils are going to make it easy to transfer haricots verts or asparagus spears from platter to plate.  Choose pommes dauphinoise over diced potatoes, and if you have a leafy salad have the vinaigrette on the dinner tables, not the buffet.  Make sure there are servers at the buffet to assist (and identify foods and sauces.)

• Make sure there is adequate lighting on the buffet.
• One of the benefits of buffets is the ability to present more choices than you could at a plated dinner.  Take advantage of that by offering more diversity.  Stations are a great way to do this.
• Have servers assist the older tables; it’s perfectly reasonable for a server to ask your grandmother what she would like and then get it for her.
• Make suitable plans for your vendors to be fed; you really don’t want the band in line with your guests.

As a general rule, buffets work better in informal settings with smaller crowds.  Recently, for a very small wedding in an apartment we left the living room seating as it was, and used smaller plates and foods that didn’t need a knife.  At another wedding, at which almost all of the 100 guests were friends of the bride and groom, we did margaritas and a few casual stations including guacamole and enchiladas, but we also made different seating accommodations for the handful of older guests.

The choice between a served meal and a buffet is clearly a complicated one.  Hopefully you are now a bit better prepared to pick what’s right for you.

Of course, many of the details you will need to tend to already appear on your lists, drawn from magazines, television shows and blogs like this one.  But there are others that are less likely to have populated your thoughts.  Typically, they are less frequent, and some rarely if ever happen, at least not until they happen to you.  Surprise!

Surprises are not good.  Sometimes they are one dimensional; the chef wasn’t satisfied with the morel mushrooms he received, so he subsituted shiitakes.  I wouldn’t be happy – I love morels – but the change has no impact beyond the taste of the dish.  At other times are the surprises with broader impact, the “multi-dimensional” ones.  For example, the band that calls you because they just found out that due to an event ending two hours before your wedding they won’t be able to load in when they originally planned, and can’t possibly be ready in time.  Of course, you call the hotel and they tell you that they had a late booking and point out that “most bands don’t arrive more than two hours before the wedding anyway.”  Who’s fault is it, and more importantly how are you going to fix it?

So how do we, as planner, prevent ourselves from being surprised?  And how do you do the same?

For  planners, experience matters.  If we have been in this business long enough, we have probably seen most of what can go wrong, and our senses are more attuned to potential problems.  On the other hand, we haven’t seen everything.  And that’s where you, our wonderful clients, come in.  If you have a concern, let your planner know (if you don’t have a planner, call the relevant vendors.)  Keep the dialog open – you are, after all, partners!  I am never embarrassed to thank a client for noticing something that I didn’t foresee.  Don’t think of anything as too trite to question.

A few years ago I was hired to help a couple finalize their wedding plans.  The wedding was to begin with an outside ceremony on the patio of a hotel (valet parking was the only option.)  Following the ceremony the guests would walk 150 feet to a pier and board a ship for a dinner cruise.  They were expecting 250 guests.

Six weeks before the wedding the pier management company changed, and we were told that the boat would not be able to use this pier, they would leave from another pier a couple miles away.  My client said no worries, everyone would drive to the pier and the cruise would start thirty minutes later.  After doing some research, this is what I told my client:

• It would take at least 45 minutes to get all 150 cars out of the garage.  Add twenty minutes of drive time, plus time to repark, and the ship would not be able to leave until at least 90 minutes after the ceremony.
• Many of the guests were not familiar with the area.  There was a reasonable chance that, if someone got lost on the way, we would not notice their absence before the boat left.
• After the cruise, guests would be brought back to the pier / parking lot  My concern was for any guests who had had too much to drink.  In a hotel, these guests could comfortably stay until they were fit to drive.  This wouldn’t happen in the pier’s parking lot.

Ultimately, we made the decision to hire buses to shuttle the guests to and from the pier.  Guests arrived at the pier together, and at the end of the evening were able to say their goodbyes in the comfort of a hotel lobby.  It worked like a charm, with many comments about how efficient everything was.

Here is another example of how one decision can resonate:

The florist tells you they plan to deliver the centerpieces at 2pm, can’t do it later because they have to be at another event.  It seems so simple, so you say yes.  And then you find out that the linens won’t be put on the tables until 3, and the servers don’t put  centerpieces on tables (not always easy if the arrangements are tall and complex).  Can’t you please have someone put the linens down an hour earlier you plead?  Yes, but that means bringing the staff in early and you will need to pay for the overtime (and this gets even messier if the staff are union.)  What are you to do?

And another example:
There’s a parade that passes right in front of the hotel at which you are having your wedding, nearby streets will be closed until 5pm, and traffic will be a mess.  Not a problem for you, since your wedding doesn’t start until 7, but potentially a large problem for your vendors.

So what are you to do about it?

Most importantly, you want to have a great relationship with all your vendors.  Things can happen, and if and when they do, you want everyone to be on your side.  I can assure you that the great relationships that I have with my vendors is a cornerstone of my business.  And you might be surprised at how far vendors will go, in both effort and creativity.

As mentioned earlier, think proactively and question everything.  Be open to creative solutions.  Wedding planning is not a blame game, it’s about solutions (if you are wondering about how the boat problem happened, the cruise company had been using the same pier for years, they had no indication that a change was going to happen, and the pier had no long-term commitment to the boat.  No one did anything wrong, it was simply unfortunate.)

In a future post I will delve more into details.  In the meantime, I would welcome any “who could believe that…” stories about weddings you have experienced.

*the original quote – “god is in the details” – is most commonly attributed to the French writer Gustave Flaubert

Photo By Daphne Borowski

Sometimes details are simple.  The font on your invitations.  The appetizer choice.  But more often, they are not.  Some details affect other choices you have made.  Other details will impact how your vendors work (as you say to the distraught piano player “they told me they would tune the piano”)  And sometimes, you end up with a unique combination of circumstances, a true “perfect storm,” that impacts everyone.

At other times, the details are just unpleasant surprises.  Nobody told you that the restrooms are shared with the Petite Ballroom, did they?  Imagine your guests surprise when they bump into the delegates from the National Funeral Home Association – or much worse! (btw, you probably don’t have a clause in your contract guaranteeing you exclusive use of the restrooms.)

The point is, when it comes to details you need to think wide and deep.  You need to think about how the details affect your wedding and your vendors, as well as your budget.

Here are some more examples, in no particular order, that you can use as a springboard to identifying your own wedding’s challenges:

• The day of your wedding is a rough time to find out about a parade that will block traffic in front of the Grand Hotel.  Of course, you can let out a sigh of relief when you find out that the parade ends at 4:00pm, and your wedding doesn’t start until six.  That is, until you get a call from the band telling you that two hours is not enough to load in and set up.
• The florist tells you they plan to deliver the centerpieces at 2pm.  It seems so simple, so you say yes.  And then you find out that the linens won’t go down until 3, and the servers don’t put  centerpieces on tables (not always easy if the arrangements are tall and complex).  Can’t you please have someone put the linens down an hour earlier you plead?  We can, but that means bringing the staff in early and you will need to pay for the overtime (and this gets even messier if the staff are union.)  What are you to do?
• When can your florist and equipment rental companies pick up vases, chairs and linens?  It would be nice if they could do so the next business day, but that’s not always possible, and in many cases you will pay more for a midnight pick-up.
• What about gifts?  Can the venue store them (safely) until Monday?  Speaking of storage, what about the cake top?  Do you plan to keep it?  Who’s fridge has enough space?  (hint: short term, ask the hotel you are staying at to store it in their walk-in.)
• If you are having a buffet dinner, how will your vendors get their food?  You really don’t want them in line with your guests.
• What is the price for kids?  And at what age does the venue consider them to be kids?  Most importantly, will kids count towards your minimum guarantee? (that’s why I like a dollar guarantees instead of guest count guarantees, it’s a lot less ambiguous.)
• What size tables does the venue have?  60″ rounds will seat 10, but if you have a few tables of 11 or 12 you will need larger tables – does the venue have them, or will you need to rent them?
• How does the venue close down your wedding?  Will they gently prod your guests to leave and gradually turn the lights on?  Or will they turn the lights on and start stacking chairs and tables to blast you out?   When does overtime start?  And how is OT calculated? Hourly fee plus drinks?  per person? (typically pp is based on your final guaranty, not on the number of guests remaining at 1am).
• Does the venue have tables numbers?  And if so are they the (awful) plastic numbers on chrome stanchions, or are they in elegant frames?  On the topic of printed materials, will banquet staff put out your place cards?
• What about tip bowls?  Tip bowls don’t belong at a wedding, either at the bar or by the coatcheck.  Will you be asked to pay extra to prevent the solicitation of tips?
• Who will provide a microphone for the ceremony?  If the venue doesn’t, will the band provide one?  And will that mean overtime for the band?
• Where will the band and photographer eat?  Ideally, they should be nearby but not visible to your guests.  And if you have a buffet, how will they get their food?  They should not be in line with your guests.   BTW, ask the band to keep some musicians on stage at all times.  It’s nice to have live background music while your guests are dining.

So what’s the bottom line?  It’s not realistic to know every possible question, and if you try to do that you will find yourself overwhelmed, unable to see the forest from the trees.  Three suggestions:

1. Keep notes and periodically revisit them – just because something was right three months ago doesn’t mean that it is right today.
2. Hire vendors you trust and keep an open dialog with all of them – especially your wedding planner (note: I have wonderful clients; it’s not uncommon that during planning sessions we discover details that might otherwise have been missed.)
3. Listen to your instincts – if something seems remiss, ask about it

*the original quote – “god is in the details” – is most commonly attributed to Gustave Flaubert

2. Now it’s your turn; it’s important to find a good place to store all these electronic documents,  and you want to do it in a way that makes them accessible to your significant other.  I use Basecamp, an incredibly intuitive yet powerful product from 37 Signals.

by photofinish2009

3. Ask the Chef to design your menus using local foods. Check out www.localvore.net.  Speaking of local, do not import bottled water, especially from the South Pacific.  If you must have bottled water, look for local options.

4. Stay away from endangered fish; find out more at the Monterey Bay Aquarium’s outstanding website.

5.  Holland deserves it’s reputation for flowers, but local options abound.  Take advantage of them!  Challenge your florist to use local flowers.

6. Hire a green limo.  Green limo companies are popping up everywhere, and Champagne tastes just as good in the back seat of a hybrid.  If you have a lot of guests that will be coming from the same distant area, hire a bus for them (one of the reasons I love planning weddings in New York is that no one needs to drive.)

7.  Instead of party favors, plant a rainforest tree on behalf of your guests.  Or ask them to plant a tree on your behalf.  Or give to www.conservation.org.

8. Not everyone is ready for digital invitations; there’s something very special about a gorgeous printed invite, the “portal” to your wedding.  But if you are ok with them, no one does it more elegantly than Paperless Post.

9.  After the invitations have gone out, use the internet to communicate.  Include a green page, letting your guests know what you are doing to make your wedding green, and ask them to do their part.

10. For your honeymoon, take a bicycle tour of the Loire Valley (I promise you, the food and wine tastes infinitely better after a long day on a bike!)

That’s my top 10.  But equally important, there are some things not to do.  For example, do not ask the venue to turn up the thermostat.  When your guests start dancing, the temperature will rise quickly.  Your guests should be comfortable, and the last thing you want is to see perspiration spots in your wedding pictures!

Here’s a bit of background:
Jennifer grew up in Los Alamos, New Mexico, in a family of scientists.  Science – and the thought processes that are part of science – played a big role in her life.  Jennifer is also fond of the local food, and nothing represents New Mexican food better than chilis (in New Mexico, “Christmas” is the term you use if you want your meal to be served with both red and green chili sauces.)

The party was to take place in a small casual Mexican restaurant well known for its outstanding food and margaritas.  It was an intimate group.  One item that I considered critical was the seating arrangements.  I wanted to ensure lively and provocative conversation, and that entails a lot of thought as to where every guest should be seated.  That meant that I needed place cards.  So the plan was to create a combination place card party favor that was functional and captured important elements of Jennifer’s life.

I started with the chili; food items make terrific party favors, and New Mexico chili powder has a wonderful depth and complexity.  After a bit of research, I stumbled upon New Mexico Chili Dot Com (www.nmchili.com).  As often happens when looking for non-mainstream items, I ended up chatting with the owner, Gary Maricle.  A fascinating guy who, before “settling down” to the chili business, had a diverse career in politics, radio, internet and more.  Soon I had the chili I needed, or so I thought.  Turns out I under-ordered.  Picked up the phone, “I’m having a chili crisis” I said to Gary, who responded “I know exactly what you mean.”  The next day fedex came with 5 more pounds of chili powder.

Now for the container; a 250 ml Erlenmeyer flask, named after the physicist Emil Erlenmeyer was the perfect size and paid homage to science.  With a hacksaw I cut a slit in the cork stopper for the place card, and with a glue gun locked the card in place.

Last but not least on the design front, the logo; some of my wife’s work involves branding, and J50 is a riff on one of the brands she works with.

Here’s one more thing:  I had to make a speech, and much of what I brought up – science, New Mexico, food – paralleled the elements of this place card; as I spoke, it was almost as if I was being cued by the bullet points on a powerpoint slide.

The party was a blast; great conversation, great food and drink, and great memories.

So here are a few takeaways:

• If you are trying to personalize elements of your wedding, start by thinking about what matters to you and what you like.  Don’t think about wedding stuff, doing so will limit your thoughts.
• Start thinking about personal items early.  You never know when you are going to have that Eureka moment, and you cannot force it.
• Befriend your vendors.  There are some great people out there producing great products and services.  The can help you; not many large companies can take your panic call at 5pm and have chili to your door the next day.  And along the way, you can meet some fascinating individuals; we go to Albuquerque frequently, and I plan to look up Gary the next time we do.
• If you are creative, a glue gun can be your best friend.
• Seating matters enormously.  This is especially true with a small group.  Think science again; put the right molecules together and you can get some incredible reactions.  People are the same (along these lines, couples do not need to sit together; I always separate them.)
• Most of all, have fun with this.  I promise you that if you have fun, it will be reflected in whatever you come up with, and your friends will appreciate your effort.

• Menu cards can be a stunning addition to a place setting
• You can create continuity by using design elements from your invitation
• By inking the name of each guest at the top, menu cards can also serve as place cards – one less piece of paper
• If you have a choices for any of the courses, menu cards will greatly speed up service (your guests will know what the options are before the server arrives.)
• Menu cards can be a memento of your wedding (make sure your photographer knows to take a picture of them)

Here are some details you will want to keep in mind:

• If you choose colors, make sure to coordinate them with the other colors at the table, in particular linens and flowers.  Be especially careful with whites and off-whites.
• Talk to your caterer and florist about how the card should be displayed.  Slipped inside the napin or laying on the plate?  accompanied by a small floral piece?
• Menu cards must be legible.  This might mean sacrificing some words to keep the font large enough, but that’s good.  You don’t need to list “Potatoes and vegetables,” or even worse, “Chef’s Choice of Vegetables.”  Focus on what is either exceptional or important information.  Less is more.  For example, “Classic Beef Wellington with Mushroom Duxelles, Sautéed Spinach, Sauce Périgourdine” can be reduced to “Beef Wellington, Sauce Périgourdine (mushroom duxelles is redundant, it’s part of the dish, and the spinach just isn’t that important.  also, you may or may not choose to use accents, just be consistent.)  Grilled Salmon with Zucchini, Sweet Allumette Potatoes, Micro Greens, Tomato Scallion Beurre Blanc needs only to be “Grilled Salmon, Tomato Scallion Beurre Blanc.”
• Put your names or monogram at the top (unless the menus are doubling as place cards), the date and location at the bottom.
• Wines should be listed near the bottom, with two exceptions:

1. if the wines are not at all notable, there is no need to include them.  “Choice of Red or White Wine” does not belong on a menu.  On the other hand, if you are serving a 1989 Château la Mission-Haut-Brion Pessac-Léognan, you should list it (and invite me to your wedding.)
2. if you are “coursing” the wines (a wine designated for each course) the wines should be listed underneath each course.

• A “silent” entree is just that; do not put, even in small print, “vegetarian or fish available upon request” on your menu – your caterer will kill you!
• Proof, then ask someone else to proof.  Be especially careful of culinary terms (beurre blanc, entrée, raspberry) and wines. Do NOT depend on your computer’s spell checker (if you are using the microsoft word spell checker, prosciutto will be corrected, your melon will be served with prostitutes!)
• And now, proof yet again. Something that President Obama’s staff failed to do at his first official state dinner, as was reported by the media typos were rampant!

pic by daphne borowski

Here are my biggest pet peeves about wedding photography.  They don’t have anything to do with hiring the right photographer, or about how the photographer does his or her job.  And they are somewhat random, but more importantly, they are items over which you do have control.  So here goes:

Drinks first, then pictures …. oops, I meant pictures first, drinks second
Do people who have had too much to drink look like it?  Absolutely!  A glass of Champagne, c’est fantastique.  But use some caution there.  Get the personal pictures out of the way before you really kick into party mode.  Otherwise, a few years from now when your kids want to see your wedding album, they are likely to ask “why do you look so funny here?”

Hijacking the photographer
Your wedding day should not be your guest’s photo op.  Sure, you will want pictures of you and your new in-laws.  But do you really need to devote your cocktail hour to ensuring that Cousin Jerry – who you haven’t seen in fifteen years – gets his own picture of his family with you?  Think about the pictures you want in your album.  If it doesn’t belong an album (including parent albums) you don’t need the picture.  And if your photographer isn’t taking pictures of Cousin Jerry, he can be taking pictures of you and your guests having the time of their lives.  That’s what really matters, and that’s what you need to record.  BTW, make sure your photographer knows what you want before the wedding, don’t be caught having to make decisions on the spot.

And here’s the bridal party trying to evade the probation officer
If you plan on outdoor shots, ask your bridal party if any of them wear transitional (photo chromatic) eyeglasses (glasses that turn dark in the sun.)  Ask them to either wear other glasses or forgo them entirely.  Unless you want to look like you are surrounded by gangsters or rock stars  (the latter only works if they.)

Remember, pictures and evidence are one and the same!

Event timing is one of the most important thing that our clients need to understand.  To help them do so, I often talk about their “300 minutes.”  Notwithstanding the ceremony, the typical wedding reception lasts about that long.  An hour for cocktails and four for dinner and dancing.  Doesn’t seem that long, does it?  It isn’t!  Now let’s translate that to “minutes per guest.”  If you have 150 guests, you have 2 minutes to spend with each guest!

So what does this mean from a practical standpoint?  Five key things:

Plan
Know what’s going to happen and when it will happen.  Make decisions ahead of time, don’t get caught trying to figure things out on the spot.  If you don’t know when your father will give his welcome remarks, having a three minute discussion about it at the wedding will cost you 1% of your time.

Make decisions about what really matters
Do you really need to take all those pictures of your extended family?  On the fence about a garter ceremony?  is it worth 3% of your wedding?  What about a receiving line?  That’s 10% of your wedding.  Still need it?

Communicate
Make sure everyone knows what is expected of them before your wedding.  This applies to both vendors and those who will participate in your wedding.  The band leader needs to know your song selection, the photographer needs to know what pictures are critical, and the best man needs to know when he will give the first toast.

Do whatever you can outside of the five hour window
Here the most common culprit is family pictures.  If it’s possible – not a certainty, you will need to check with the venue – you are better off getting family members to arrive early for pictures than doing them during the reception.  Otherwise, there goes another 10%.

Last but not least, arrive on time
Again, not to pick on photographers, but bridal parties will often want to go somewhere special  for pictures between the ceremony and reception (in New York it’s typically Central Park.)  Before you know it, the ceremony will begin and you won’t be there.

Remember, these three hundred minutes can be the best minutes of your life; use them wisely!

photo by Anja Hitzenberger

When you start looking for a place to hold your reception, you will undoubtedly have a list of questions that you want answered.  Room capacity, menu prices and guest flow are some of the obvious one.  Here are three things that I look at that are not so obvious, but none the less important indicators of the experience that you are likely to have:

How are you greeted?
Take a look at the first person you meet, be it a doorman or a host.  Are they cheerful or are they grumpy?  This is how you – and your guests – will be greeted on your wedding day.  And it can tell you a lot more than the greeter’s state of mind.  Grumpiness is more contagious than an H1 virus, and it’s a good indicator as to how management treats its staff.  Remember, at your wedding you want to be surrounded by happy people.

Back of the house
What does the “back of the house” look like?  Ask to see the kitchen.*    Is it neat?  If busy, does seem like people are going about their work with purpose, or is it bedlam?  Are the corridors clean and tidy?   Take a look at the picture; it’s the kitchen at Daniel, one of New York’s most esteemed restaurants, and this picture was taken during a recent wedding lunchen.  The kitchen is pristine; Daniel Boulud is a perfectionist, and it shows.

Restrooms
This one is a favorite, often a maintenance “weak link.”  How is the lighting?  Do the latches work?  Are all the supplies there?  Think about how you feel when you walk into a sloppy bathroom, and compare it with you you feel when you enter a luxurious and well maintained restroom.  It can be a real sanctuary.

These three criteria might appear to be just details, but remember the old adage, that’s where the devil lurks.

*don’t expect a venue to show you the kitchen when it’s operating at full speed, kitchens can be dangerous places.  On the other hand, venues should not be reluctant to give you a tour  during a lull.

But what are you both arguing about?  You want to get married in a hip loft, and he prefers the swankiness of the St. Regis.  His family wants children to be at the reception, and he supports that, yet you envision an adults only evening.  And why doesn’t he like your BFF Joan?  She’s going to be your maid of honer.

You can argue about each point you disagree on.  Obviously not a great solution.  Or you can concede, “whatever you want, my love.”  But this kind of avoidance isn’t realistic or constructive.

So here’s something to chew on:  your wedding is the first “major life event” for which you will need to make decisions as a team.  It’s the first of many, including events such as children, buying a home, relocations, career changes and more.  It’s a great time to figure out how you will make decisions together. 

There will be a lot of things you disagree on, and being able to deal with them in a cooperative manner is critical.  Figure this one out and planning your wedding will be a lot more pleasurable, and you will have moved far forward on the road to wedded bliss!

Photo courtesy of 1314 Studio.

I won’t repeat their story – it’s on their website, www.winecellarsorbets.com – but I can tell you first hand how excited they are about their incredible sorbets.  Spend some time with them, and you too will “drink the kool-aid.”  Their sorbets are not simply infused with wine flavors, rather they are made with real wine, and their company is not a subsidiary of some multinational food conglomerate.  It’s just Dave, Brett and their team and a lot of hard work.

So what does this have to do about weddings?  There are some wonderful ways to use these sorbets at your reception.  My favorite use is as an accompaniment to your wedding cake.  So often, the wedding cake is served alone, and what your guests receive is simply a slab on a plate.  Neither the look nor the taste is appealing.  Instead, ask your caterer to get some Wine Cellar Sorbet (the Ruby Port Sorbet would be perfect), and tell them to place a scoop in a chocolate tulip, all of this to be served on the same plate as the cake.

Of course, you can also use WCS for the “intermezzo.”  But how about creating an hors d’oeuvre with Tuna Tartare and a thimble of Sake Sorbet?  Or add a scoop of sorbet to your “signature drink.”

Ask your caterer to get in touch with Wine Cellar Sorbets, and be creative!  And by the way, please let us know how you decide to use it for your wedding!

Now, I am not suggesting all pomp and circumstance.  I have seen all sorts of wonderful touches at weddings, and invariably they make guests smile.  Yet they do so in a way that suggests that the guests are sharing in your happiness.  One of my favorite moments – not original, but no less lovely – was when, during the recessional, the Juilliard trained classical musicians switched from classical to the Beatles “All you need is love.”  There was nothing incredibly clever or creative about this – it’s been done many times before – but it conveyed with terrific accuracy and dignity the essence of the newly married couple.  It was a beautiful moment.

So think long and hard about how you want your ceremony to be remembered by you and your guests (if children are in the cards, they too will want to see your wedding pictures and videos).  If you need to be creative, there are many other moments at which to display your outsized personalities.  But let’s keep the gravitas in ceremonies.

The tool that we use to accomplish this is the wedding agenda.  Preparing it is very time consuming, but it’s our job.  We don’t expect you to do the same – you won’t have the time and probably don’t have event experience – but there is a less time consuming alternative, what we call the wedding resume.  We would encourage you to start preparing one from the onset of your planning, revise it as needed and send a final version to your vendors and guest hotels a few days prior to your wedding.  Here’s what it should include;

• An overview with your contact info.
• A key / central contact person other than yourself for the day of your wedding.  It could be your best man, a parent or best friend.  Make sure that this person is fully aware of your wedding details.
• Contact info for all your vendors, including hotels that you and your guests will be using (when I was a hotelier, it was not uncommon for guests to go to the front desk and ask if we knew where so-and-so’s wedding was taking place – unfortunately, if no one told us about it we could not help them.)
• A list of your VIP’s.
• A timeline of activities – this should include the “getting ready” activities such as hair and makeup.  Be sure to include locations.
• Things: a list of all the items that need to get to the wedding (rings, license, escort cards, guest book, party favors, cake knife, etc.) as well as what happens to them after the wedding and who is responsible.
• A contact person to cover for you while you are away on your honeymoon (who will pick up items left behind or forgotten at the venue? – btw, make sure that this person has you honeymoon contact info.)

By completing your wedding resume, not only will your vendors be better prepared (and appreciative of your efforts), but you will be more comfortable, even when someone finally tells you to turn off your cellphone!

*Photo courtesy of Bend The Light Photography

One thing that all of these tools – and a big advantage over pen and paper – is the ability to share.  After all, you’re not planning this wedding solo, are you?  Also, some will let you email tasks straight to your lists.

Two of my longtime favorites are from a company called 37 Signals.  If absolute simplicity is what you want, it’s impossible to beat their Ta-Da lists.  You can make all the lists you want, and you can share them.  That’s about it, but the lack of “features” is more than offset by ease-of-use.

Another product from the same company is Backpack.  Like all 37 Signal products, it has a simple and intuitive interface, but adds features such as multiple pages, easier sorting and reminders.    Ta-Da Lists is free, and there is a free plan for Backpack.  (incidentally, 37 Signals also has Basecamp, a full-fledged project management system that I use for all my clients.)

A task manager that is a bit more feature-rich, but has an uncommonly elegant interface is Hi-Task. This program enables you to view your tasks in multiple ways as well as assign due dates by dragging tasks onto their calendar.

Here are a few pointers on managing your wedding task lists:

• First of all, and as previously mentioned, share your lists.  Certainly with your significant other, and also perhaps with your parents if they are paying.
• Don’t overwhelm yourselves.  I once had a client who came to me after finding herself completely buried.  Turns out her task list had over 1500 items!
• Keep things simple; for example, I categorize tasks according to approximate due dates; ASAP, next and final month.  In addition to being simple, it forces us to continually update.
• Use the list’s “assign task” functions.  And BTW, don’t assign one task to two people. If you do this, no one will own it.
• Be creative with your lists.  I always have “topics for conversation,” it becomes the agenda for client meetings.
• Constantly review and update your lists.

In the end, it doesn’t matter how you manage your lists as long as you do it!

pic by www.wreckamovie.com

Do you cringe when you see a 30′ long Hummer limo?  Wasteful? Cheesy?  Out of touch with reality?  In my opinion: absolutely.

For our weddings, we recommend town cars that seat four and stretches for the bride and somewhat larger groups.  But perhaps it’s time to take it a step further… do you have a “green” transportation company in your neighborhood?

If you are in New York, you have Ozo Car, a pioneer of eco-luxury private car service.  There are others; in Texas you have Clean Air Limo, and Planettran serves both New England and San Francisco.

Toyota Prius

Now, please bear in mind that I am not encouraging a bride to ride to the wedding in a Prius…  chances are the dress will need some extra space, and a photographer might be riding with you.  You will also want to be able to gracefully exit the car.  But please do think about the transportation choices you make.  Being kind to the planet is a good way to start a new life together.

And BTW, someone is taking pictures; the choices you make are recorded in posterity!

Moet et Chandon

The other day I came across an article in the Wall Street Journal that offers some really good advice; there are some things you simply should not overthink.

The article was titled “Hints on not getting burned on your next Champagne toast.”  Here is what Benoit Gouez, the chef de cave* at Moët & Chandon, says about it:

The toastmaster “shouldn’t prepare too much, or you lose the spontaneity.” He adds “That means no long-winded speeches read from note cards.  A toast should be short enough to be memorized—no longer than a minute—especially if there are others who will follow.  You should begin by raising a glass to eye level first staring directly at those you are toasting and then, as you speak, gaze at the other guests.”

Benoit Gouez - Les Maisons de Champgne

You may want to share this with those you have asked to speak, most importantly the best man and maid/matron of honor.

Of course, toasts are not the only things that tend to be overthought.  I am often asked how people should walk during the procession.  No differently than they do every day.  Just relax, smile, and the music will guide the tempo.  This is even more true with the recessionals, which are not unlike getting off of an airplane.  You will, almost automatically, recess in a graceful manner.  It may require making eye contact with the other members of the bridal party as you file into a line, but that’s all good.

If you are both fabulous dancers and want to show your stuff during the first dance, great.  But if not, don’t worry about it.  Just hold tight, and your feet will work just fine.

The bouquet toss and cake cutting are other elements that will benefit from spontaneity.  Remember, the saying is “if it feels right,” not “if you though it through properly”!

*the chef de cave, or winemaker, is the person responsible for producing and ensuring the quality of the Champagne.

I am often asked if seats should also be assigned.  In many cases, and especially with smaller weddings, my answer is an enthusiastic yes.  Presuming that you will not seat guests next to their significant others, here is why I like it:

• Your guests will feel compelled to be charming and witty to each person at their side, not just the one they don’t already know, making for an immensely more vibrant table.  It’s hard to understate this fact; it’s not uncommon to see a table of couples acting as if they were each at their own private two-top.  You can prevent this from happening, and in so doing double your wedding’s charm and wit factor!

• It’s a great way of making introductions – people will talk to the people they are seated next to, “I’m thrilled that Joan seated us together, we have so much in common!”  Take advantage of this to make significant and relevant introductions.

• The effort you put into a seating plan will be obvious to and appreciated by your guests.

• Last but not least, assigned seats add a degree of elegance to the occasion.

But, as with all good things, reality can intrude.  Most of all, a full seating plan is a lot of work, and you can’t complete it until the RSVP’S are in.  So here are some reasons not to bother with assigned seats:

• Don’t assign seats if you feel compelled to seat couples together. Sit together is what couples will do naturally, so why go to all the effort if the results won’t be any different?

• Don’t assign seats if you have territorial or extreme territorial seating (TS is when the groom’s family is on one side of the room and the bride’s on the other.  Extreme takes it further, with entire families at the same table.)  In that case, everyone already knows everyone else at their table, so just let them fend for themselves.

• Don’t assign seats if you don’t want to incur the added cost; in addition to the escort cards, you will need a place card (with calligraphy) for each guest.

• Don’t assign seats if you don’t have the time to do it right.

As a general rule, and notwithstanding the above exceptions, I prefer assigned seats when fewer than 80 guests are expected, especially if the wedding is black tie, or when the focus is more on dining and conversation than dance, as is often the case at luncheons.

The way you choose to handle seating at your wedding will impact your guests in a lot of ways, so please give the decision fair consideration.

]]> http://www.weddingaces.com/2009/08/on-assigning-seats/feed/ 0 http://www.weddingaces.com/2009/08/worst-contract-clauses-part-1/ http://www.weddingaces.com/2009/08/worst-contract-clauses-part-1/#comments Thu, 06 Aug 2009 16:00:20 +0000 Richard http://www.weddingaces.com/?p=4688 As you are aware, it is important that you read all the “fine print” before signing any contract.  This is especially true with venue contracts – there are a lot of items that have the potential to turn your wedding into something substantially less than you expected.

One of my least favorite clauses, and it exists in virtually all hotel contracts, is the right to reassign function rooms.  It looks something like this:  “Hotel reserves the right to reassign function rooms to accommodate both group (your wedding) and all other groups or parties using hotel’s facilities during group’s meeting.”

What’s this about?  Hotels are in the business of selling rooms, and groups fill rooms.  Imagine you have booked your wedding in the “Ocean Ballroom.”  A few months later the hotel has an opportunity to book a large sales meeting that will generate a lot of revenue.  The catch:  the group needs the Ocean Ballroom for their opening night dinner, scheduled on the same night as your wedding.  You will get a call from the hotel’s general manager, contrite and apologetic, but he will tell you in no uncertain terms that they have moved your wedding to River Room Sections 1 and 2.  I have seen it happen.

It is absolutely critical that you scratch the reassignment clause.  Just take a sharpie and cross it out.  Here are some likely scenarios:

• The hotel will tell you that they cannot modify the contract.  Tell them you can’t sign it (if you have been working with a Catering Manager, you may need to escalate this to the Director of Catering or Sales.)
• The hotel will tell you not to worry, there is no other room that could accommodate you.  Until you find out that hotel’s fine dining restaurant, which never did well, is being converted to “River Room 1 & 2.”
• Your Catering Sales Manager will give you his personal promise that you will have the Ocean Ballroom, he will be there for you.  Maybe he will, but the turnover rate in the hotel business is very high, chances are high that the person who sold you the hotel won’t be there by the time of your wedding.  And even if he is, he won’t be able to stop the sales meeting juggernaut.

So simply do not sign a contract with this clause.

Note: sometimes it is easier to modify a contract clause than to strike it.  I have occasionally let the reassignment clause stay with a “subject to client’s approval” modifier.

A corollary:  as previously mentioned, turnover in the hospitality industry is high.  Get absolutely everything the venue commits to in writing.

]]> http://www.weddingaces.com/2009/08/worst-contract-clauses-part-1/feed/ 0 http://www.weddingaces.com/2009/07/scale-and-intimacy-do-you-want-to-impress-or-welcome/ http://www.weddingaces.com/2009/07/scale-and-intimacy-do-you-want-to-impress-or-welcome/#comments Mon, 27 Jul 2009 19:00:44 +0000 Richard http://www.weddingaces.com/?p=4444

Cipriani 42nd Street

It is important to look outside of the wedding business for inspiration and solutions.  As a planner, I do this not only for myself but also to add credence to my recommendations.  Architecture is a good place to look when thinking about venues.

Not too long ago a client of mine, who was expecting about 150 guests at her wedding, was looking at a very grand and luxurious ballroom.  It was truly an extraordinary space.  And although it could hold over 300 guests there are “tricks of the trade” that we could use to create the illusion of a full room.  What we could not do, however, was make it feel intimate.  In fact, the space was never designed for intimacy, it was designed to be spectacular and impress (as was the desire of its former tenants – it often serves banks and private clubs well to create an aura of power.)  I reviewed my notes from my first meeting with this client, and sure enough, “charming,” “intimate” and “cozy” were words that she had used to describe her perfect event.  Yet she had allowed herself to be entranced and seduced by this venue.

No one makes a more pursuasive argument against over-sized space than the architect and author Sarah Susanka.  In her first book, “The Not So Big House,” she discusses the impact of “starter castles,” aka McMansions.  The first chapter starts with the plight of Paul and Laura, a couple that spent a small fortune on a new home yet ended up deeply unhappy with a home that was void of warmth and intimacy.  How did they get here?  The were “simply following the process that is standard to working with a builder…”

This is not dissimilar to the process you will go through in searching for your wedding site.  Chances are that you will see some ballrooms that will amaze you.  But before you sign on the bottom line, it is important that you step back and do a bit of soul searching.  Do you want grand and regal, or is intimate and welcoming what you want your guests to experience?  The feel you want needs to drive your venue choice, not the other way around.

note: I am not suggesting that you exclude gorgeous ballrooms from your search; there are numerous smaller ballrooms that were designed with a degree of intimacy in mind, the Versailles Room at the St. Regis (NY) comes to mind.

time inc.

According to Andrew J. Cherlin, the author of “The Marriage-Go-Round: The State of Marriage and the Family in America Today” there is “a great turbulence in American family life, a family flux, a coming and going of partners on a scale seen nowhere else. There are more partners in the personal lives of Americans than in the lives of people of any other Western country.”

Of course, no one is affected by this as much as our children.  The evidence is clear, children do better with both parents, regardless of all the other variables such as race, income and education.  As Obama said, “We need fathers to step up, to realize that their job does not end at conception; that what makes you a man is not the ability to have a child but the courage to raise one.”   Sobering thoughts, but important ones as you contemplate marriage and – for many of you – raising families.

I know it first hand.  We have a wonderful eight year old daughter, and we are reminded every day of what we as a couple can provide her with.  It’s not always easy, but the rewards and happiness – both her and ours – trump every challenge.

So, for all of you thinking of red, white and blue for your July 4th wedding, I’m going to rain on your fireworks.

Your wedding is not and should not be a theme party.  It already is one, and the theme is love, partnership, family and all those other wonderful things that go along with marriage.  That is the only theme that matters.  Anything else is a distraction and dilutes the importance of what really counts.

OK, there are exceptions.  If  you are a military couple, and the military is your life, by all means incorporate.  No one will question the genuineness (myself included, especially if the groom is bigger than me.)  And if someone important can’t be at your wedding, perhaps serving in Iraq, by all means mention and honor them.  But at the end of the day, this one’s about you and, per our wonderful Declaration of Independence, your unalienable right to the pursuit of happiness.

PS: to all my wonderful, talented and creative colleagues on Wedding Aces, I love your ideas, but I’m not giving out my home address.

fMRI image detailing the connections between the music, memory and emotion centers in the brain: Petr Janata / UC Davis

Ever heard a song from the past and found yourself emotionally transported back to that time?  It’s a part of the extraordinary power of music.  And it’s a critical consideration when you pick the key music and songs for your wedding.

The connection between music and memory is is both well known and documented.  It’s also of particular interest to me, more on that in a future post.  So when I read a glowing review of “The Music Instinct: Science and Song” (Wednesday, 9-11 p.m. ET on PBS)  I plugged it straight into my DVR.  According to the Wall Street Journal, “there isn’t a boring minute here,” and it could clearly impact the way you pick your most important wedding songs.

www.hireafiretrucktampa.com

My clients do not expect silk flowers or flameless candles.  And I could not agree more.  Until this past weekend.

My client’s wedding was at a truly magical landmark location in Manhattan, and this venue has a wonderful dressing room.  As is often the case, the dressing room serves multiple purposes; it is also a private oasis for the bride and groom, and a place where they can store their valuables and gifts.

photo flamlesscandles.net

The banquet staff had placed hors d’oeuvres and Champagne in this room, dimmed the lights and decorated it with flowers and votive candles.  It was just lovely.

At about eleven that evening, someone smelled smoke.  Some tissue paper in the dressing room had caught fire.  We were very very lucky, mostly because no one was injured, but also because there was no property damage and no gifts were lost.  No envelopes – many bearing cash gifts – were destroyed.  Whew.  As many of you know, there have been some really tragic fires in public spaces.

So from this point on my plan is to require venues to use flameless candles in any unattended rooms, dressing rooms and restrooms included.  If the venue balks, I will provide the candles.  They are easy to find in stores such as Bed Bath and Beyond and online at sites such as www.flamelesscandles.net.  I hope you will follow my lead on this one, there is absolutely no excuse for compromising the safety of your guests.

I also enjoy reading about it.  Not cookbooks, but stories about cooking and people who cook.  So with Father’s Day in mind I have assembled a list of my favorites, any of which would make a terrific gift.  These are not cook books per se*, but books about people in the culinary world.

A book that stands out as the best about Chefs and their world is is “The Making of a Chef.” To write it, Michael Ruhlman spent a year as a student at the Culinary Institute of America.  Every human element is touched on as the author brings to life a pivotal year in the lives of a handful of aspiring chefs.  This book affected me in a way that no other book – culinary or otherwise – has.  It is truly a very important book.

Incidentally, Mr. Ruhlman has written several other food books, and although they are not as significant as The Making of a Chef, they are all terrific.

Perhaps you believe that cooking is a glamorous world.  No book succeeded better at debunking that myth than Tony Bourdain in Kitchen Confidential. Definitely R rated, and a lot of fun.

Mix Ruhlman’s observations and Bourdain’s testosterone, and then blend in a bit of romance, and you would have “Heat‘ by Bill Buford.”  The subtitle says it all: “An Amateur’s Adventures as Kitchen Slave, Line Cook, Pasta-Maker, and Apprentice to a Dante-Quoting Butcher in Tuscany”.  If you are planning a honeymoon in Tuscany, it’s an absolute must-read.

Another extraordinary but profoundly sad book is the “The Perfectionist: Life and Death in Haute Cuisine” by Rudolph Chelmenski.  In many ways, it is a typical story of a French kid who chooses a career culinary career.  Bernard Loiseau finds extraordinary success before succumbing to the pressure of maintaining his three Michelin Stars.

You don’t need to be at a range to write about food.  Here are three great books by people who are not chefs:

• Ruch Reichl – now the Editor of Gourmet Magazine – has written several heart-warming books.  My favorite is “Garlic and Sapphires:  The Secret Life of a Critic in Disguise.”
• In “Nobody Knows the Truffles I’ve seen” our friend George Lang chronicles his life from the forced labor camps of his childhood to becoming one of New York’s most prominent restauranteurs.
• No one has had more impact on the restaurant business in this country than Norman Brinker, the man behind Steak & Ale and Chili’s and the mentor to countless successful restauranteurs.  In “On the Brink” he recounts his story and business philosophy (Mr. Brinker passed away last week.)

There are two reference books that are never far from my reach.  Can’t figure out what spices to use on the Lamb Loin?  Culinary Artistry by Andrew Dornenburg and Karen Page will get you out of that pickle, there is no better tool for creating dishes and menus.  “On Food and Cooking” by Harold McGee is a book that explains everything about food products and the science of cooking.  You will find it on any chef’s bookshelf, and it should definitely be in your kitchen.

*When Thomas Kelleher of the renowned “French Laundry” was asked about his vision of his New York oupost, her responded “Well, it won’t be the French Laundry “per se.”  Per Se is now one of the city’s finest restaurants.

Let’s start with guilt.  Professional planners do not “guilt” people into spending.  Our role is to educate our clients about the options and the implications of their choices.  The implications are at times significant, and may impact the client’s experience, the guest experience and in many cases the budget.  Sometimes we tell a client to avoid an expenditure (the “smile” test, will it make your guests smile?  If not, why bother?)  In other cases, the opposite is true.

Here’s a good example of what can happen; a client of ours had planned a ceremony at a hotel, to be followed by a cruise dinner dance.  A few weeks before the event, the pier adjacent to the hotel was closed.  The closest option was twenty minutes away by car.  There were four key issues:

• getting to the new pier was a complicated drive, especially at night.
• parking at the hotel was valet only, and it would have taken a good hour to get all the cars out, so even if things ran smoothly and no one got lost it would take at least an hour and a half for all the guests to get to the pier.
• some guests were arriving at the hotel by public transportation and would have limited options for getting to the pier.
• at the end of the event, guests would be left at a pier in an otherwise desolate part of town.

Conversely, if the event ended at the hotel, guests – many of whom would have been drinking – would have other options than to immediately drive away. A much safer option.

We ended up chartering buses to take all the guests from the hotel to the pier and back.  It was an unwanted, unplanned and substantial expense, but ultimately everyone agreed that it was the only right choice.

Now, we are planners, and it’s our job to help you spend wisely.  What about the other vendors, those that are in the business of selling services and products?  Invitations, hoteliers, caterers, party favors, personalized bottled water, hair pins and more.  Well, it is absolutely their business to sell to you.  Selling is a component of marketing, and it’s how one builds and maintains a business.  (I am not referring to the bandleader who tells you that you need a 30 piece orchestra when you need a 5 piece band – that’s offensive and dishonest, but also pretty rare.)  Many of these vendors have well oiled sales programs in place, and it is up to you to use the same good judgment that you would use to purchase any other product, from cereal to a new car. (in a future post I will discuss some of the tools that vendors use and how you can actually benefit from them.)

Many of us are in this business because we like it.  And some have chosen it over much more lucrative options.  When you decide to hire a band, you are hiring professionals who care.  Bill Morgan, the leader of the New York based Central Park Orchestra, told me “there is nothing that I like more than playing my music.”  These are probably people who live in your community, do what they do because it brings them pleasure,  and could even be the same people who patronize your own business.

In a wonderful new book “The Hunger” John De Lucie talks with a lot of love and respect about his father, a gifted wedding musician.  Mr. De Lucie is the Executive Chef / Partner of the Waverly Inn, one of New York’s hottest restaurants.  About cooking, “I loved the vibe of making people happy.  it was like my father playing them a song.”  And that’s what weddings are all about.