More couples fret over the wording of their invitations than they do over any other detail of their day. Wedding advice columns and message boards are always overflowing with headlines like: “How should I word invitations if I have divorced parents?” or “How should invitations for vow renewals look?” The honest answer is that not much changes in each of these invitation scenarios. Guests expect invitations to look a certain way, and subtle changes in wording will keep the look and feel of traditional invites while cluing guests in to the specifics of your day. Take the following invite wording, which we’ve come to know and love from decades of cream-colored envelopes and pretty satin ribbons:

Mr. John Doe and Mrs. Jane Doe

Request the honor of your presence
at the ceremony uniting their daughter

Ms. Jenny Doe

To

Mr. Jonathan Soe

In the bonds of holy matrimony

On Saturday the Fourteenth of September
Two Thousand and Thirteen
At Two O’ Clock in the Afternoon

Reception to Follow

Here are the changes you might want to make if:

The hosting of your wedding is iffy

Weddings used to be fully-funded by the family of the bride. There are many reasons why this isn’t the case any more, but the biggest is that couples want to make their own way in the world and are hosting the shebang themselves. No one is giving anyone away anymore, and the hosting of the wedding isn’t set in stone. If you still choose to word your invites so that the hosting situation is clear, that’s completely fine. If not, think about changing:

Mr. John Doe and Mrs. Jane Doe

Request the honor of your Presence

To:

Together with their families

Ms. Jenny Doe

and

Mr. Jonathan Soe

Request the honor of your presence…

Your wedding is actually a vow renewal

Vow renewals, like weddings, happen when they do for a variety of reasons. You have every right to a fun day of celebrating your unity with your family, but you have to keep in mind that a vow renewal isn’t a wedding. Whether you put off the party for financial, religious or other reasons, if you said vows and signed the paperwork already, you’re married. The invitation wording should reflect that. Also, if you’ve changed your name since you were officially married, note your new name on your invitations as well. Think about changing:

At the ceremony uniting

Ms. Jenny Doe

To

Mr. Jonathan Soe

In the bonds of holy matrimony

To:

At the vow renewal ceremony of

Mrs. Jenny Soe

And

Mr. Jonathan Soe

Stay tuned: More suggestions for the tricky territory of invitation wording are coming soon!