Photo Credit: Kirk Kara

It’s a question we have heard frequently in the past decade: “My partner and I are going to get married and we aren’t sure which fingers we should put our rings on. What do you recommend?”

Most succinctly put, we recommend doing what feels right to you!

Over the years, we have seen couples choose all sorts of options for their engagement and wedding rings. Some lesbian and gay couples haven chosen to use the ring finger (next to the pinky) on the right hand for the engagement and/or wedding ring since it is similar, but not the same as the traditional choice for heterosexual couples. Others, however, have embraced the traditional practice of using the ring finger of the left hand. We have also known of folks who have mixed it up and have used a non-ring finger because it better suited their individuality. It really depends on what the couple wants to do.

Individuals who choose the right hand often say that they do so because they feel they have a bit more privacy. We see this occurring often amongst individuals who work for the military or in schools or have another reason for wanting to keep the meaning of the ring more “personal.” Other individuals might choose a non-traditional route for political reasons, signifying that they see their relationships as different from heterosexual relationships until marriage equality has been achieved.

Photo Credit: Kirk Kara

Prior to the legalization of same sex marriage in 2005 in Massachusetts, individuals who chose the left hand for their commitment rings often reported to us that they wanted to make a clear statement that they saw their unions as equal to those of married heterosexuals.

And, certainly, as same sex unions have been embraced more openly — legally and socially — in the mainstream, more couples than ever haven chosen to wear their wedding and engagement bands on the ring fingers of their left hands without even thinking twice about it.

It has become, of late, the obvious choice.

As obvious, I suppose, as our call to celebrate:

Whatever your reason, just pick a finger and don’t be afraid to get some bling for that ring!

For more advice for same sex couples on choosing a wedding ring or engagement band, check out The Freedom To Be Different by jewelry and style expert, Michael O’Connor.